Ben AND AMANDA on the Registry:
You guys, we made a registry because we’re taking this wedding thing seriously and all, but honestly, we just want to get married and drink a marg with you on the patio. So please let that ethos inspire you. Truly, no gift giving is required for an event like the one we intend to host.
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That said, if you really want to commemorate the occasion with a gift, please accept our apologies because our wedding registry is marginally useful at best. What we would love the most — apart from you just hanging out with us to celebrate our eternal commitment — is for you to completely ignore the registry, which is comprised entirely of records, to procure us a record of your own personal choosing. Any record’ll do, but ideally it’d be one that means something to you, is fun, reminds you of either of us, or is terrible and that you just want us to suffer through. Truly anything. Then have it shipped to yourself (or go to a store, if you do that sort of thing), and — here’s the important part, so stay awake — Sharpie in a heartfelt message. Or draw a poodle. Either way, make some kind of mark to show you were there. And put your name on it.
We’ll then ooh and ahh over your artwork, and listen to the tunes you wanted to share as we carry about our lives. And suffer through the tunes you wanted us to suffer through.
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Oh, and if someone would like to wash the dogs before and/or after the wedding (or forever?), we’d be happy to accept that, too.