Herein we provide the fun instructions and disclaimers. Plz read the fine print, whether or not you want that much organization in your life. Or other people thinking for you. We know you want Junior Mints. But this is a wedding! We need people that care! I’m mad as hell! And I can’t take it anymore!

We need more fruitcakes in the world. ♫

And less bakers. ♫

Okay, uh, the instructions:

1. DINNER PARTY / WEDDING

Our grand vision, such as it is, is that our wedding will be a dinner party at which, if conditions are ideal, we get married. Okay, we definitely get married. But that’s it! This is a super-small family affair. Come to our casa, eat with us, share some drinks, engage in a bit of friendly shit talk, maybe play a game, and hang out into the night.

2. attire

This is a wedding-without-dress-code. Don what you’d like to don. If that’s jeans and a button-up, great. A Hawaiian shirt and flip flops? Have at it. A cute dress in a resplendent springtime floral? By all means. The only consideration, attire-wise, is that things will be largely outside. Assuming we don’t kill it before the wedding, there will be grass involved. So check the weather and use some judgment we guess.

(Oh and also, there will be photography. So take that under advisement, if it makes a difference to you.)

3. COVID (INDOOR ATTIRE)

COVID is still COVID-ing, you guys. Unless there’s a real weather situation, this’ll be a largely outdoor affair, in the gaaaaa-den. Feel free to wander in and out, but we’ll be doing face masks indoors, for the health of all (and as required by our wedding vendors).

4. ARRIVAL TIME

This affair starts at 6:00 p.m., with a ceremony sometime “soon after” (it’s not yet planne . . . a “surprise”). Anyhow, feel free to show up as early as 5:45 p.m. if you’re concerned about promptness. But be more than 15 minutes late at your own peril.

5. HOTEL / UBER

We have a block of hotel rooms pre-booked for wedding guests at the Marriott Courtyard, which is a 3-minute drive or a 12-minute walk from our house. Rooms are under Benjamin Bahlmann. Please consider staying there, gratis!, to avoid driving after drinking the night away.

Or, if you’d prefer to return to your personal abode, try out our fun Uber code for rides to and from our house. Just click this link, which we’ll also send via text and email: [LINK]. The Uber code is [CODE]. But, like, pay attention to whether there are drivers near you before you try to leave. And maybe have a Plan B, so you don’t wind up missing this whole shindig.

6. tunes!

We will be rotating through records at our wedding / dinner party. And we’ve left the most important task of the evening to our esteemed guests! It’ll be the guests’ responsibility to keep the tunes rolling. When one record ends, any-and-everyone is eligible to select (and start) the next one! Overwhelmed? When in doubt, go with Taylor. And never fear, there’ll be operating instructions. Ben wouldn’t have it any other way.